Three Tips for Choosing a Premarital Therapist
You and your partner have decided to do premarital counseling. Amazing! You’re about to make an investment that will pay dividends for your whole life by starting your marriage off on a solid foundation of open communication and tools for connection. But how do you choose a therapist? Here are three tips for choosing your guide in this critical and relationship-affirming process.
Tip 1: Do a consultation to see if they seem like a good fit.
Most therapists will offer a free consultation so that you can get to know them and ask any questions that you may have. This is a great idea, and it may even make sense to set up a couple of these to get a sense of what your options are.
Some questions to ask the therapist:
What is your experience with premarital counseling?
Sometimes therapists list every specialty in the book but don’t necessarily specialize in anything. Couples therapy is a very specific skill set, and premarital counseling is an even more specific subset of couples therapy. Not every therapist has this specialty, so ask your therapist about their training and experience with this.
Do you work with our specific concern?
If you know that one of the issues that comes up in your relationship is arguments about alcohol use, for example, you should bring this up in a consultation and make sure the therapist is comfortable and experienced working with this issue. This can also be a chance to ask about other aspects of your situation that you want to make sure the therapist is comfortable and experienced with - for example, if you are a queer or interracial couple, it may be important to you that your therapist is versed in working with couples like you.
What is your approach to premarital counseling?
Find out if the therapist has a specific approach or modality that they use in working with couples, and ask them to describe how it works. It’s a good idea to find a therapist that can help you work through specific topics like kids, finances, sex, and spirituality, but it’s important that they can also help you recognize your patterns and help you talk about deeper emotions.
At Colorado Therapy Collective, we offer premarital counseling that uses two evidence-based modalities, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Prepare/Enrich. These approaches combined make sure that you cover all the important bases while also building an even deeper connection and skills for healthy communication.
Tip 2: You Get What You Pay For
Is setting the foundation for your relationship really the place that you want to be looking for bargain bin prices? Premarital counseling is generally not covered by insurance, because it doesn't come with a diagnosis. While I realize that wedding planning is expensive and it can be tempting to want to save in other areas, counseling is an investment in the longterm health of your relationship. So while you should be realistic about what your budget is, don't choose a therapist just because they're cheap!
Tip 3: Do a gut check
After your consultation, talk with your partner about whether you both feel comfortable with this therapist and like you can open up to them. A therapist can be highly regarded, but if you don't feel comfortable or like they're the right fit, listen to your gut!
Hopefully this article has helped you feel ready and empowered to find the right premarital counselor for your relationship. If you’re in Denver, Colorado, Colorado Therapy Collective has an awesome team of couples therapists with specialized training in working with dating and premarital couples, and we offer free consultations. You can fill out this form and we’ll reach out to you!
