Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) Therapy

“Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible–the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.” - Virginia Satir

Are you struggling with the complexities of Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)?

Do you ever feel uncertain about how to communicate your needs and boundaries within your ENM relationships?

Are you wondering how to best navigate the complexities of your ENM relationships to maintain balance and trust?

Are you looking for guidance on how to strengthen the emotional connections in your ENM relationships while honoring everyone’s autonomy?

Are you navigating challenges or new experiences in your relationship(s)

Maybe you're interested in exploring ethical non-monogamy but feel overwhelmed by potential difficulties. If you're already in a non-monogamous relationship, you might be struggling with issues like jealousy, time management, or communication breakdowns. You might wonder if it's possible to balance multiple relationships while maintaining emotional stability and mutual respect. Or perhaps you feel pressured to manage these complexities on your own, as a result of the lack of guidance and support from a mono-normative society.

Challenges in Non-Monogamous Relationships are Normal

At Colorado Therapy Collective, we embrace the diversity of love and relationships. Ethical non-monogamy (ENM), sometimes also referred to as consensual non-monogamy (CNM), is a valid and fulfilling choice for many, but it does come with its own set of unique complexities. Just like any relationship, it requires effort, clear communication, and a deep understanding of each other’s needs and boundaries. It is normal to experience challenges in ENM relationships, just as it is normal to experience challenges in monogamous relationships. The good news is our practice is dedicated to providing specialized support for those exploring or engaged in ENM relationships. Let’s delve into how we can address your unique relationship dynamics.

What is Ethical Non-Monogamy?

Ethical non-monogamy involves consensual romantic or sexual relationships with multiple people and can have a variety of formations. Here are some common ENM structures:

Polyamory

Hierarchical Polyamory: Involves primary, secondary, and sometimes tertiary relationships, with the primary relationship often taking precedence.
Non-Hierarchical (Egalitarian) Polyamory: All relationships are equally important, with no ranking.
Kitchen Table Polyamory: Partners and metamours (partners of partners) maintain friendly, familial relationships.
Parallel Polyamory: Partners are aware of each other's relationships but do not necessarily interact.

Open Relationships: One primary relationship with the allowance for sexual relationships with others.

Vee (or "V" Formation): A triad in which one person (the "hinge") is romantically or sexually involved with two others, who are not involved with each other.

Swinging: Couples engage in sexual activities with others, often in social settings, without ongoing romantic or deep emotional commitments.

Polyfidelity: A closed group of three or more individuals committed to each other, excluding romantic or sexual involvement outside the group.

Relationship Anarchy: Rejects traditional relationship hierarchies and labels, focusing on individual agreements and personal autonomy.

Common CNM Relationship Challenges

ENM relationships, though often fulfilling and rewarding, come with their own set of unique challenges that can benefit from therapeutic support. Understanding and addressing these challenges effectively is crucial for maintaining healthy and balanced connections among all parties involved. Common issues include, but are not limited to:

Infidelity and Betrayal

Unfortunately, non-monogamous relationships are not immune to infidelity and betrayal. However, the dynamics differ from those in monogamous relationships, leading to unique challenges. For instance, a lack of transparency—when one partner withholds information or is dishonest about another relationship—can breach trust, damage the relationship's foundation, cause emotional pain, and break down communication among all parties involved. Another form of betrayal might involve neglecting a primary relationship, where a primary partner feels sidelined in favor of others, leading to feelings of betrayal and abandonment. While infidelity and betrayal in ENM relationships may take different forms than in monogamous ones, the emotional impact and the importance of trust and communication remain central. In therapy, addressing attachment injuries can foster healing and support relationship success.

Social Stigma

Coping with social judgments and pressures related to non-monogamous lifestyles is a common challenge for ENM (Ethically Non-Monogamous) relationships in a society that predominantly values monogamy. There is often a lack of understanding about what ENM truly involves, with misconceptions that it equates to infidelity or a lack of commitment. This misunderstanding can lead to social isolation, where ENM individuals may be excluded from friends, family, or social circles who do not accept or understand their relationship style. In professional settings, being open about an ENM relationship can sometimes result in discrimination or judgment, potentially impacting career opportunities or workplace dynamics. ENM relationships may also face challenges with legal recognition and healthcare, as traditional legal structures or insurance policies often do not accommodate multiple partners. Additionally, cultural and religious beliefs that favor monogamy can make it difficult for ENM individuals to navigate their relationships without feeling marginalized, pressured to conform, or excluded from support. CTC therapists understand the stigma that those who practice ENM can face and support you in both feeling seen and accepted in our practice, as well as resilient in the face of misunderstanding and bias.

Jealousy and Insecurity

Even in relationships where all parties have consented to non-monogamy, jealousy can still arise. Naturally, it can stem from insecurity, fear of being replaced, or feelings of inadequacy. Therapy can help you navigate these feelings in a healthy, constructive way by establishing effective communication in consideration of the specific dynamics within these relationships. Also, through establishing healthy boundaries and working on self-awareness, partners often find that jealousy can be a catalyst for personal and relational growth.

Time Management

Time management in ENM relationships can be challenging, particularly in balancing the emotional and physical demands of multiple connections. The effort to distribute time and energy between partners, work, family, personal needs, and other commitments can often lead to feeling overwhelmed. While the desire for multiple connections is central to ENM relationships, it’s essential to manage these connections carefully to avoid burnout. If not managed properly, the quality of attention each relationship receives may suffer. Coordinating schedules among multiple partners can also be tricky, especially when dealing with last-minute changes, and/or partners have different approaches to time management, leading to conflicts or misunderstandings.

Sexual Health

Ensuring that all partners are informed and practicing safe, consensual sexual behaviors is crucial for healthy ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy) relationships. However, as the number of sexual partners increases, so does the risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Transparent and honest communication about expectations and boundaries, as well as normalizing routine STI testing, are essential in minimizing this risk. Therapy can support you and your partners in establishing agreements on permissible sexual activities with different partners to manage potential risks. Another common sexual health challenge in ENM relationships involves differing sexual needs, desires, and boundaries among partners, which can lead to misunderstandings and unmet expectations if not properly negotiated. Balancing sexual and emotional intimacy can be complex, especially if one partner desires sexual exclusivity in certain aspects. Additionally, power imbalances can complicate discussions around consent and privacy boundaries, particularly regarding what is shared with other partners and who has a say in setting these boundaries.

Get in Touch With an ENM Therapist Today.

New Relationship Energy

New Relationship Energy (NRE) describes the excitement, enthusiasm, and intense emotions often felt at the start of a new romantic relationship. This is sometimes also understood as limerence. Common challenges associated with unmanaged NRE include difficulty balancing attention, dealing with a partner’s jealousy and insecurity, managing time, navigating emotional ups and downs, renegotiating expectations and boundaries, and establishing healthy communication and self-care practices. In the context of ENM relationships, therapy can assist you in managing the intense focus, emotions, and novelty of new relationships while still maintaining and nurturing existing ones.

How Therapy Can Support Your ENM Journey

We understand the unique dynamics and challenges that ENM relationships can present. We offer a compassionate, non-judgmental space where you can openly discuss your relationship structure and experiences. Our approach is grounded in understanding the unique dynamics of ENM relationships and providing the tools you need to thrive within them. Our approach includes:

Affirmation and Acceptance: We provide a safe, non-judgmental space to discuss your relationship structure and experiences. Our therapists are knowledgeable and supportive of ENM practices.

Communication Skills: Effective communication is crucial for any relationship to succeed. We help you develop skills to navigate discussions about boundaries, expectations, and emotional experiences.

Conflict Resolution: Disagreements are inevitable, but they don’t have to be destructive. At best, effectively repairing conflict can lead to deeper emotional intimacy. We offer strategies to resolve conflicts respectfully, ensuring all voices are heard and valued.

Attachment Theory: Understanding attachment styles and addressing attachment-related issues are crucial for successful ENM relationships. We examine how attachment influences your relationships, identify your role in the current dynamics, and explore ways to foster new and healthier interactions.

Boundary Setting: Clear boundaries are essential in any relationship. We guide you in establishing, expressing, and respecting boundaries within your relationships to ensure everyone involved feels secure and respected.

Who Can Benefit from ENM Therapy?

If you're navigating ethical non-monogamy, whether you're an individual, a couple, or part of a larger partnership, our services are designed to support you. We offer guidance for:

Individuals, couples, or partnerships exploring or transitioning into an ENM lifestyle.
Existing ENM relationships seeking to enhance connections and address challenges.
Those facing conflicts or difficulties within their ENM dynamics.
Anyone looking for a supportive space to explore and understand their relationship patterns.

Get Started Today

At Colorado Therapy Collective, we honor diverse expressions of love and connection. If you're interested in learning more about our Denver and Colorado services for ethical non-monogamous relationships or scheduling a session, please contact us today. Our experienced therapists are here to support you in creating fulfilling and healthy relationship dynamics that work best for you and your partners. We offer complimentary consultations so you can meet our team and we can ensure that working together will be a great fit.

Connect With Us

Frequently Asked Questions about ENM Therapy

Working with a relationship therapist who specializes in non-traditional relationship structures can offer a neutral and supportive environment to explore these differences. They provide a safe space to discuss your concerns with compassion, understanding, and without judgment, helping you both decide on the best path forward.
No, ENM therapy isn't exclusively for people in non-monogamous relationships. While it can be used to support those exploring or practicing ethical non-monogamy, it can also be beneficial for individuals or couples in monogamous relationships who want to understand or explore the concept of ENM.
Yes, you can bring multiple partners into therapy. Many therapists who specialize in ethical non-monogamy (ENM) or polyamory are experienced in working with multiple partners in a therapeutic setting. This approach can be very beneficial for addressing relationship dynamics, communication, and any challenges that arise from managing multiple relationships.
ENM therapy, or couples therapy with an ENM-informed therapist, is a great space to work through potential changes in relationship boundaries and structure. It’s important to know that your therapist is informed about the pros and cons of all relationship styles, and also will not push either you or your partner toward a relationship style that is not comfortable for you.