As a Latina couples therapist, I often witness how our cultural values shape our relationships and well-being. One concept that comes up frequently with cisgender Latina clients is Marianismo. This traditional belief system, prevalent in many Latin American cultures, suggests that women should embody self-sacrifice, nurturing, and modesty—often at the expense of their own needs.

While the traits of Marianismo can strengthen family bonds and foster a sense of support, they can also lead to burnout, anxiety, and feelings of unworthiness when taken to extremes. In honor of Hispanic Heritage Month, this post will explore how these cultural expectations affect Latina women’s mental health and relationships, and how to find a balance between honoring tradition and prioritizing personal well-being.

Marianismo and Machismo: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Marianismo is not something we can easily detach from our lives, especially for Latinas raised in families where their values and beliefs are shaped by this concept. Derived from Catholicism, it often upholds the Virgin Mary as the ultimate symbol of womanhood. However, it’s important to recognize that Marianismo doesn’t exist in isolation. It’s closely connected to another Latin American gendered cultural construct: Machismo.

Machismo and Marianismo share a symbiotic relationship, with Machismo defining masculinity through traits like dominance, emotional reserve, and authority. While they are two sides of the same coin, they are not equal; there’s a clear power imbalance within these oppressive systems. Machismo dictates the parameters of Marianismo and what constitutes “ideal” womanhood. Through this lens, Marianismo conveys to women that their worth is tied to being submissive, modest, and endlessly giving. As noted in the book La Paradoja de Maria: cómo la hispana puede fortalecer su autoestima sin abandonar sus tradiciones, “Marianismo believes that women are morally superior to men in that they can endure all suffering.”

In traditional settings, this may look like a wife who quietly handles all the household duties, never complains, placates disrespect, and sacrifices her dreams to support her family. The problem is that these expectations are often rigid and, when internalized, can lead to a deep sense of guilt, shame, and anxiety when a Latina feels she’s falling short of these ideals.

Between Tradition & Independence: Navigating Two Worlds

For many Latinas, particularly those raised in the U.S., there’s an ongoing tension between the values of Marianismo and the more individualistic ideals we encounter in Western culture. Older generations may have found pride in being the backbone of their families as defined by traditional Marianismo, but for younger Latinas—especially first-generation women—this can feel like a battle between honoring their heritage and asserting their independence.

For example, you might hear family members say things like, “Las mujeres calladitas se ven más bonitas” (“Women look prettier when they are quiet”), or, “Tu deber es cuidar a la familia” (“Your duty is to care for the family”). These messages, while well-intentioned, can be suffocating, leaving you feeling like you have to choose between being a buena hija (good daughter) or buena esposa (good wife) and being yourself.

To be a good Marianista one must suppress their needs, wants, and even emotions. But the price of this constant self-silencing can manifest as anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems. Studies show that women who identify strongly with these roles are more likely to struggle with self-silencing, which in turn increases the likelihood of experiencing depression and anxiety. Clients dealing with this often come to therapy because they feel trapped. They are frustrated, burnt out, and resentful, but the thought of prioritizing their own needs makes them feel guilty, as though they’re failing their families, or betraying them for wanting something different.

Reframing Marianismo: Holding On to What Serves You

While Marianismo presents its challenges, it’s important to recognize the strengths it can offer. Latinas are often seen as the pillars of their families, providing strength, compassion, and resilience—qualities that should be celebrated. The key is to reframe Marianismo in a way that honors your cultural roots while also making space for your personal growth and autonomy. You don’t have to reject Marianismo to live a fulfilling and balanced life. By blending its nurturing qualities with modern values of autonomy and self-care, you can create a version of womanhood that respects both your heritage and your personal development.

Here are some ways to embrace the positive aspects of Marianismo without losing yourself in the process:

1. Nurturing Through Boundaries

Being a nurturer doesn't mean neglecting your own needs. You can still be the emotional center of your family while setting boundaries that protect your well-being. For example, if family members expect you to take on caregiving roles, discuss how responsibilities can be shared. Maybe you love cooking traditional meals for your family, but that doesn’t mean you also have to clean up after. Ask for help—this doesn’t make you any less of a buena madre, buena hija, or buena esposa.

2. Redefining Sacrifice

Self-sacrifice can be reframed as a conscious choice, not a requirement. When you choose to put others first, make sure it’s because it feels meaningful to you, not because you feel obligated or fear shame from family members. For example, you might decide to support a family member during a hard time, but it’s okay to draw the line when it starts to affect your own mental health or affect the health of your relationships.

3. Emotional Strength in Vulnerability

Traditional Marianismo often teaches us to be strong and silent in the face of adversity. But real strength comes from vulnerability. Allowing yourself to express your emotions and share your struggles doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. It also allows your loved ones to support you, which can strengthen your relationships. It also models for other family members, especially younger ones, that it’s okay to share your emotions and ask for help.

Embracing Balance

Marianismo is a powerful cultural force, but as my mother once said, it doesn’t have to be an "emotional corral." By stepping outside its confines, you can critically examine these traditional roles and choose how to integrate them into your life. In doing so, you create a more empowered, balanced, and fulfilling experience of womanhood. We can leave behind the ancestral burdens of Marianismo and embrace their gifts that truly serve us. As Latinas, we carry the strength, resilience, and love of our ancestors, but we also have the opportunity to redefine what it means to be strong, to nurture, and to lead without leaving ourselves behind.

EFIT Therapy For Marianismo

If you’re feeling the weight of navigating these tensions and struggling to find balance, therapy can offer a safe and supportive space to explore these dynamics. At Colorado Therapy Collective, our therapists are here to help you honor your cultural heritage while also creating a path that feels authentic and true to who you are. Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy can be a great option to help you explore these dynamics. Together, we can work on reshaping patterns that no longer serve you or your relationship, allowing for deeper connection and mutual respect. Check out our EFIT Specialty Page to understand more about what this approach looks like. Do you want to talk to someone live to answer questions? We are here to support you! Schedule a free consultation by filling out our contact form here.

“Calladita Te Ves Más Bonita”: Marianismo’s Impact on Latinas & their Relationships