QUIZ: Couples Therapy or Discernment Counseling?

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“Discernment Counseling is emergency room work.” - Bill Doherty, PhD

Are you in a marriage on the brink of divorce? Maybe the thought of divorce pops into your head on occasion, or it comes up in the heat of conflict. This might mean you are fraught with confusion about whether to put in the work to improve your relationship. Alternately, perhaps you know you want to work on your relationship, but your spouse isn’t so sure.

Many couples assume that the only option at this point is to do couples therapy, or divorce. However, there is a third option - Discernment Counseling. Discernment Counseling is for couples where one or both partners aren’t actually ready to fully commit to couples therapy, but they also aren’t totally decided on divorce. Sometimes it can be hard to know whether it’s best to pursue couples therapy or Discernment Counseling.

This five-question quiz is designed to help you decide on the right help based on where your relationship is right now: Couples Therapy with a highly trained couples therapist, or Discernment Counseling, an evidence-based-protocol to help you gain clarity on the next steps in your relationship.

Is Discernment Counseling Right for You?

What best describes your current relationship status?

A. We have considered separation or divorce many times.

B. We are struggling but want to work things out.

C. We are generally happy but have some issues to address.

How committed are you to making the relationship work?

A. One or both of us is unsure about continuing the relationship.

B. Both of us are fairly committed to working on the relationship.

C. We are mostly committed but have doubts.

How would you describe your communication?

A. We have significant difficulties communicating.

B. We have some communication issues but are willing to improve.

C. Our communication is generally good but could be better.

What are your goals for seeking help?

A. To gain clarity on whether to stay together or separate.

B. To improve our relationship and solve specific issues.

C. To enhance our already good relationship.

How do you feel about your partner's level of effort in the relationship?

A. I feel that my partner is not putting in enough effort.

B. I feel that both of us are mostly trying but need guidance.

C. I feel that both of us are making an effort but could use some help.

What Your Answers Mean

If you picked mostly A’s then discernment counseling might be the best option for you. There is a great deal of ambiguity in the relationship, and maybe one of you feels differently than the other. This is a painful place to be, and we are here to support you through the process. Want more info? Check out our specialty page on Discernment Counseling for more information about the process, and to get further information about this approach.

If you picked mostly B’s then couples therapy may be the right path for you. There are challenges that you and your partner are facing in your relationship - maybe even big challenges! However, there is a willingness and desire to work on these problems on the part of both partners that makes couples therapy a good option.

If you picked mostly C’s then couples therapy is probably the best fit for you. It sounds like you and your partner are looking for a relationship reset! Therapy for couples is good for any relationship, and at any stage. You are in good hands with the Colorado Therapy Collective team, where all the therapists are well trained in supporting couples just like you who are looking for a bump in support to create a stable foundation.

Please NOTE: If you are experiencing emotional, physical, or verbal abuse then reconciliation may not be right for you. If you need support a therapist on our staff can support you in individual therapy to help you find safety.

Want even more info on discernment? Check out this video of Bill Doherty, developer of the evidence based protocol from the University of Minnesota, describing discernment counseling  at length. Have more questions about couples therapy? Check out our Couples Therapy FAQ page for detailed information!

We can help you choose.

If you still could use some help deciding on the right approach for your current relationship challenges, a member of our highly trained intake team can help you decide. Give us a call at 720-204-8589, or fill out this form to get in touch. Our team of specialized couples therapists are trained in both evidence-based couples therapy and Discernment Counseling, so whatever you decide, we’ve got a therapist for you.