5 Key Experiences in Emotionally Focused Therapy Sessions
Are you and your partner considering Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for your relationship? Our team at Colorado Therapy Collective is well-trained in using EFT in our Denver offices and virtually across Colorado. We are here to help you understand what typically happens during an EFT session to help you feel more prepared and comfortable as you begin the process.
“Being the “best you can be” is really only possible when you are deeply connected to another. Splendid isolation is for planets, not people.”
Attachment Theory: The Foundation of Emotionally Focused Therapy
At the heart of EFT lies attachment theory, which emphasizes the fundamental human need for secure emotional bonds. Your therapist will help you center your own lived experiences to understand how your attachment experiences—from childhood to the present day—influence your relationships and emotional responses. This insight forms the basis for the transformative work you'll do. To learn more about the model and the research behind Emotionally Focused Therapy, check out our EFT specialty page here.
The Emotionally Focused Therapy Process
From the moment you step into your therapist's office, you'll be greeted with warmth and understanding. As EFT therapists, we believe in the deep need for safe human connection and will lead with that authenticity in our therapeutic relationship. We aim to create a safe, non-judgmental space that allows you and your partner to explore your deepest feelings and relationship dynamics, fostering lasting shifts in your relationship.
Using Experience to Heal With Emotionally Focused Therapy
EFT is an experiential model, meaning the therapist will use what is happening in the therapy room to support the therapeutic process. This might involve working with a present negative cycle, attuning to primary or secondary emotions, or encouraging intentional conversation with your partner. Building on this experiential approach, let's explore key experiences you’ll likely encounter.
1. Tracking Interactional Patterns
A key aspect of EFT is identifying and understanding the repetitive patterns in your interactions with your partner, known as your “negative cycle.” For example, you might withdraw when feeling hurt, or become critical when feeling ignored. By highlighting these patterns, your therapist helps you see how they contribute to relationship distress and how deeper emotional needs and attachment longings often drive them. The cycle is the problem, not you or your partner.
2. Exploring Primary Emotions and Attachment Longings
You'll begin to explore the primary emotions that fuel your interactional patterns—raw, vulnerable feelings that often hide beneath on-the-surface reactions like anger or withdrawal. Your therapist will gently support you in connecting with core emotions like fear, sadness, and loneliness, and help you identify the attachment longings these emotions indicate. You might discover a deep need for reassurance, acceptance, or comfort that you've been hesitant to express.
3. The Power of Emotional Presence
During sessions, you will experience your therapist modeling emotional attunement to your present emotions. Their attunement will aim to help you stay present with your feelings and those of your partner. This emotional attunement helps foster feelings of safety, allowing you to relate to your emotions in new ways. Your therapist will help you normalize your emotions, viewing them as valuable information that can guide you toward new ways of relating.
4. Learning New Ways of Interacting
With a deeper understanding of your emotions and needs, you'll work on developing new ways of interacting with your partner. This might involve promoting acceptance of your longings and practicing vulnerable communication. You'll learn to reach for your partner in times of distress and respond with empathy to their emotional cues. Your therapist will provide support and guidance as you experiment with these new behaviors, helping you create more direct and connection-building experiences.
5. Creating New Experiences with Breakthroughs
The process can be challenging at times. You may encounter difficult emotions from long-standing conflicts or experience blocks to connection in session. However, these challenges often pave the way to identifying protective walls and breaking out of negative cycles in a safe environment. Remember, you are not alone in this, and all relationships face hardships. These hardships can be opportunities for true connection.
Unlocking Your Relationship’s Potential with EFT
Taking a step towards change in your relationship is daunting but is a sign of strength and the importance of your relationship. This process will create a more secure, satisfying relationship, offering the potential for profound personal growth and deeper connections. By understanding your attachment needs, recognizing interactional patterns, and learning to express your true emotions, you open the door to a more authentic and fulfilling relationship.
Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples in Denver
Need support or have more questions about the EFT process? Our intake coordinators are here to give you insight into how we provide support to couples seeking this type of therapy in Denver and across Colorado. Fill out our contact form here for a complimentary initial consultation.
