From Roommates to Lovers: Rekindling Romance in Long-Term Relationships – Part 2

If you’ve been following along in our journey of rekindling romance, you know that emotional safety and vulnerability are foundational to reigniting the passion in your relationship. In Part 1, we explored the importance of creating emotional safety, revisiting bonding rituals, and being vulnerable with each other. Now, let’s dive into the next three steps that can help take your relationship from feeling like roommates back to lovers again.

1. Fight the Routine: Introduce Novelty and Fun into Your Relationship

In many long-term relationships, routine can bring comfort and safety, but it can also lead to stagnation. Predictability often shifts relationships from passionate, intimate connections to more logistical partnerships. Introducing novelty and fun into your relationship can help reawaken excitement and desire, breathing new life into your bond without compromising stability.

Research has shown that couples who engage in new, exciting activities together experience increased relationship satisfaction and emotional closeness. According to a study by Gottman and Levenson (2000), couples who share positive, novel experiences report greater relationship satisfaction.

Novelty fosters emotional intimacy and helps couples break free from the routines that can lead to emotional distance.

Trying new activities together, whether it’s picking up a hobby, working out together, or exploring a new destination, can spark excitement and connection. Even simple changes, like surprising each other with affection or experimenting with different forms of physical touch, can shift the dynamic from routine to passion.

Conversation Starters:

• "What’s something new or exciting we could try together this week?"

• "When was the last time we did something spontaneous together? What could that look like now?"

• "What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet? Maybe we could try it together!"

2. Schedule Quality Time: Make Intimacy a Priority

In our busy lives, it’s easy for intimacy to fall to the bottom of the priority list. However, intimacy, both emotional and physical, requires intentional time and effort.

Research consistently shows that couples who intentionally prioritize quality time together have stronger relationships.

A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, Johnson et al. (2003), found that couples who spend quality, distraction-free time together have higher relationship satisfaction. Scheduling regular date nights or even quiet evenings at home without screens can reignite the spark and deepen your connection.

Physical intimacy also thrives with quality time. McCarthy et al. (2014) found that couples who openly communicate about their sexual desires and prioritize intimacy experience higher levels of relationship satisfaction and emotional connection.

Conversation Starters:

• "How can we make more time for each other, just the two of us?"

• "What kind of date night would you enjoy most this month?"

• "How do you feel about us scheduling some intentional ‘us’ time each week to reconnect?"

3. Seek Professional Help if Needed: Therapy Can Foster Connection

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, reconnecting emotionally or physically can be challenging. Seeking professional help can be a great way to strengthen your relationship and reignite romance. EFT has helped many couples repair and deepen their emotional connection.

Research by Dr. Sue Johnson, the creator of EFT, shows that couples who engage in EFT experience significant improvements in emotional intimacy and relationship satisfaction. A study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy (2005) found that EFT helped 70-75% of couples reduce distress and strengthen emotional bonds.

Conversation Starters:

• "Do you think we could benefit from talking to a therapist together to improve how we connect?"

• "I feel like we’ve been stuck in a certain pattern lately. Would you be open to working with someone to help us get back on track?"

• "How would you feel about trying therapy to deepen our emotional connection and work through some challenges?"

Rekindling romance in long-term relationships is a process that requires patience, vulnerability, and consistent intentional effort. By focusing on emotional connection, reintroducing affection, and seeking novelty and quality time, you can begin to shift from feeling like roommates to feeling like lovers again. Whether you take small steps or seek professional help, it’s never too late to restore the passion in your relationship.

There’s Hope Ahead

We’ve covered many ways to reignite the spark in your relationship, from creating emotional safety and revisiting bonding rituals, to introducing novelty, prioritizing quality time, and seeking professional support. Rekindling romance in long-term relationships is an ongoing journey, requiring intentional effort and openness. Whether you’ve taken the first steps from Part 1 or have explored the additional strategies in this second installment, each effort you make brings you closer to rebuilding the deep, passionate connection you desire.

Remember, it’s never too late to rediscover the joy and intimacy you once shared. If you find that you need additional support in this process, Colorado Therapy Collective’s experienced couples therapists specialize in helping partners navigate relationship challenges and restore the romance that may have faded. There’s hope in making meaningful progress toward reigniting the love in your relationship. Want to learn more? Explore more about Couples Therapy here.

Reach out and book a consultation to discover more about starting couples therapy and our offerings here at Colorado Therapy Collective.

References

Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The mathematics of marriage: Dynamic processes of marital interaction. Cambridge University Press.

Johnson, S. M. (2005). Emotionally focused couple therapy with lesbian, gay, and heterosexual couples. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31(3), 157-171. 

McCarthy, B., McCarthy, C., & Dean, E. (2014). Sexual satisfaction and emotional intimacy in couples: A literature review. International Journal of Sexual Health, 26(3), 196-206.